It seems as though every time I go to Big Daddy’s on the landing, my disdain for the establishment leads me to do things that I would normally never do, just to spice up the evening. In my usual whirlwind of inebriation, I was pounding whiskey, nabbing olives and cherries from the bar, and dancing like a fool. The night was going well, and everyone was having fun.
However, I perceived an air of routine-ness hanging in the air. A feeling of deja-vu that echoed of previous evenings to the same caliber. This is unsettling to me, and doubly unsettling when I am under the influence of strong spirits. Since the cat fight on the patio was broken up, and the fat old guy got too tired to keep grinding on various women in our party, my sub conscience was becoming antsy and meddlesome. I like every night to be one that can be romanticized through the oral tradition of storytelling.
As a uniformed police officer strolled past me, something clicked in my head. On an extreme impulse and poorly made split decision I reached out and grabbed a big meaty handful of the cop’s ass. You could ask me why, and I wouldn’t have an answer for you. As the cop abrubtly turned around and stared at me, my cheshire grin melted into a slack-jawed gape and wide-eyed self realization.
Officer: “Why did you just do that?”
Any reasonable person would be apologetic right now, but if you are reading my blog then you know that I am the opposite of this. My response was also made on a careless whim.
Me: “Well, you have a very nice ass.”
Poor choice. The officer proceeded to shove me away from my group of friends. “You are fuckin’ out! You are out of here!” Onlookers yelled, “What did you do?! What did he do wrong officer?!” He didn’t respond, but rather continued to shove me in the direction of the door. I thought about yelling, “I GOT dat ASS!!!” but my reason had finally come to and was now settling in a nervous grumble in the pit of my stomach. The cop continued to shove me, nearly knocking me down. As the cop pushed me out the entrance he yelled, “If I see you back in here, I am going to fucking arrest you for harrassment, you got that?!” Yes sir, thank you sir. He went back into the bar and I stood on the cobblestone street by myself for a few moments as I replayed what had just happened.
Then I walked across the road to Morgan Street and bought another beer.
Tags: Big Daddy's, Drunk, Grab Ass, Harassment, Morgan Street, Police Officer, The Landing
